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Lawyers



  • I Got this in an email

    I found this shit to be so hilarious that I thought I would share it with you guys.

    –--------------
    These transcripts are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are from verbatim records made by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes…
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.


    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?


    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: getting laid


    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    (I guess the witness forgot that one of the children could have been an Air Force, amirite?)


    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.


    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.


    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them… The live ones put up too much of a fight.


    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.


    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished…


    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.



  • I Got this in an email

    I found this shit to be so hilarious that I thought I would share it with you guys.

    –--------------
    These transcripts are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are from verbatim records made by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes…
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.


    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?


    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: getting laid


    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    (I guess the witness forgot that one of the children could have been an Air Force, amirite?)


    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.


    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.


    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them… The live ones put up too much of a fight.


    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.


    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished…


    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?


    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.



  • WTB license to practice law $850



  • I don’t get the Air Force joke.



  • @Zincoshine:

    I am an Air Force and seek ing someone .I need a woman who can love me back …I also uploaded my hot photos on UniformedMate.CoM under the name of IOIO555…It’s the largest and best club for seek ing Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Police Force, and the admirers of those who wear the uniform.I just hope you don’t mind me being a soldier …Please Check it out!I’m serious
    ★★★★★★

    I’m not sure if he intended anyone to get the joke. Unless he was banking on everyone to remember this on a post that not many people saw.



  • ★★★★★★



  • " I hacked you hahaha! I have all your passwords and your street address, town, and phone numbers, ive uploaded them to this .txt document that you cant take down! Its got all your info, and your passwords, They were way to easy, that sucks for you, Shitty, I uploaded them all here, so everyone can get them,
    http://x

    Be careful on were you sign up!!! And What you click on!! Btw, i used an SQL injection on your local ip

    192.168. address and got all of these =D So if you try to change your password it wont work, because it will tell me your new passwords! "

    I’m screwed



  • haha funny


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