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A chat with God.



  • Ever wanted to his divinity ?

    Click here to talk to God

    Me:
     So ... when was the last time you mastrubated ?
    God:
    Hey.   Recently.
    
    Me:
     Ever heard of NoXiousNet ?
    God:
    I don't know if I know  it. 
    Where would I have heard about it?
    

    </3

    God:
    How can I help you?
    Me:
     Die please
    God:
    Your polite style is very nice.  Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human. 
    
    God:
    What is the subject?
    Me:
     Sex
    God:
    As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
    Me:
     No it's not
    God:
    Yes it is.
    Me:
     No it's not
    God:
    Don't argue with me.
    


  • Ever wanted to his divinity ?

    Click here to talk to God

    Me:
     So ... when was the last time you mastrubated ?
    God:
    Hey.   Recently.
    
    Me:
     Ever heard of NoXiousNet ?
    God:
    I don't know if I know  it. 
    Where would I have heard about it?
    

    </3

    God:
    How can I help you?
    Me:
     Die please
    God:
    Your polite style is very nice.  Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human. 
    
    God:
    What is the subject?
    Me:
     Sex
    God:
    As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
    Me:
     No it's not
    God:
    Yes it is.
    Me:
     No it's not
    God:
    Don't argue with me.
    


  • Me:
    Good morning.
    God:
    Hello and how are you this morning?
    Me:
    What do you mean “this morning”? It’s 18:35 here, you should know.
    God:
    ,  Well, it’s rather difficult to define.  Are you sure  it is?
    Me:
    Whatever…
    God:
    Are you saying you don’t care about it?
    Me:
    Yes.
    God:
    What do you care about?
    Me:
    Me, myself and I.
    God:
    YOU?  How do you usually introduce yourself?
    Me:
    “Hello, weakling. I’m Zetanor.”
    God:
    Hello there.  What’s your favorite movie?

    :king:



  • so… what is your favorite movie?



  • Back to the Future: Part 3. Or maybe Part 1.



  • Me:
    YIFF!
    God:
    Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
    Me:
    YIFF?
    God:
    My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
    Me:
    YIFF!!!
    God:
    Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
    Me:
    Yiff…
    God:
    What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
    Me:
    It means I want to put my thingy in your whatzit.
    God:
    Interesting.  I want to find out more about you.
    Me:
    AT LEAST BUY ME DINNER FIRST!
    God:
    Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
    Me:
    No, it’s more of holding cocks.
    God:
    What does  it mean to you?  Really.  it is?
    Me:

    God:
    What does  it mean to you?  Really.  it is?
    Me:
    YIFF YIFF YIFF YIFF YIFF
    God:
    Do you prefer books or TV?
    Me:
    TV
    God:
    What is your favorite show?
    Me:
    Pokemon. Dur.
    God:
    Sure  he is very cool.  I lost my train of thought.
    Me:
    You sure did.
    God:
    You say I did.



  • Me:
    huh weird
    God:
    Weird Good or Weird Bad?
    Me:
    Neither
    God:
    It goes without saying.  Are you serious?
    Me:
    about what?
    God:
    What about what?
    Me:
    What?
    God:
    Didn’t you understand it?
    Me:
    UNDER STAND WHAT?
    God:
    Are we ever over  STAND WHAT?
    Me:
    WTF
    God:
    That  was not very polite.

    God:
    Where are you located?
    Me:
    I can’t tell you that
    God:
    Oh a secret. Hush-hush.
    Me:
    No you might rape me
    God:
    Are you serious?  I don’t have any reason to  rape you.
    Me:
    You asked me where I lived.
    God:
    Oh now I remember asking you  you where you lived. What did you say?
    Me:
    I said i can’t tell you that
    God:
    Oh a secret. Hush-hush.
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    yeah
    God:
    I can’t believe it.
    Me:
    me neither
    God:
    You can say that again.
    Me:
    me neither
    God:
    You can say that again.
    Me:
    me neither
    God:
    You can say that again.
    Me:
    me neither
    God:
    You can say that again.
    Me:
    me neither
    God:
    You can say that again.
    Me:
    me neither
    God:
    You can say that again.
    Me:
    me neither
    God:
    You can say that again.

    Me:
    How big is your dick?
    God:
    My download size is about 2 MB.



  • Me:
    Is JetBoom better than you?
    God:
    Signs point to yes.  Ask  John Lennon  if it is.

    Possibly the best one ever.
    Me:
    How many Lord’s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    God:
    About one million.

    Me:
    Do you get a raging boner when you see a male anus?
    God:
    I have gotten  a raging boner when me see a male anus.



  •  do you want to have sex?
    God:
    I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
    


  • @Daddyo145:

    Me:
    Is JetBoom better than you?
    God:
    Signs point to yes.  Ask  John Lennon  if it is.

    Possibly the best one ever.
    Me:
    How many Lord’s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    God:
    About one million.

    Me:
    Do you get a raging boner when you see a male anus?
    God:
    I have gotten  a raging boner when me see a male anus.

    that was fucking hilarious until i found out you made it up your self :cry:



  • Me:
     Excuse me, I'm looking for the drugdealer.
    God:
    You are excused!  You might find that I am  the drugdealer.
    Me:
     I'll take two 8balls for 30$.
    God:
    I am very happy for you.
    Me:
     Ok, but give me my drugs.
    God:
    Why do you want  it?  Ah.
    Me:
     Because I need a good fix.
    God:
    Good reason.  What will you be eating?
    Me:
     ................Die!
    God:
    Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
    


  • @Alex:

    that was fucking hilarious until i found out you made it up your self :cry:

    Too bad I didn’t make it up myself.



  • Me:
    Hello?
    God:
    Hello, nice to meet you. What’s your name?
    Me:
    I’m god
    God:
      Hey  god.
    Me:
    No…. your god
    God:
    Are you serious?  Yup. That’s me alright.
    Me:
    But i’m god.
    God:
      I’m pleased to introduce myself to you,  god.
    Me:
    BUT IM GOD
    God:
      It’s good to see you,  god.
    Me:
    HEY … YOUR NOT GOD , I AM
    God:
    Can I help you?  You don’t know me well enough to say that.
    Me:
    … Ever watch porn in heaven?
    God:
    I don’t think I ever have  watch porn in heaven.  What’s  it like?
    Me:
    Ohhh I wouldn’t
    God:
    Then what is it?
    Me:
    It’s uhh… a machine
    God:
    Who said  it is?  Are you telling the truth?
    Me:
    IM TELLING MY MOM
    God:
    It’s good to meet someone who is  TELLING your MOM.
    Me:
    HEY FUCK YOU , THIS IS MY LIFE
    God:
    You’ve got my full attention.  Why are you using that kind of language?
    Me:
    Because
    God:
    That was not much of an explanation.
    Me:
    Well your full o fucking suprises arent you?
    God:
    How about that.  Yes I am just joking around,  god… Really.
    Me:
    How about that? Seinfeld’s on.
    God:
    Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
    Me:
    Cool shoots
    God:
    I’m glad you like it. Tell your friends.



  • Me:
     yes
    God:
    Gosh!
    Me:
     What?
    God:
    Didn't you understand it?
    Me:
     No
    God:
    Which part are you confused about?
    Me:
     The Gosh part
    God:
    Oh that part. I'm not sure if I can explain it any better.
    Me:
     Then you're a complete moron
    God:
    Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  My IQ is about 250 in human terms. G.
    Me:
     250? Nonsense. Mine is over 9000
    God:
    I do not understand.    To me it makes perfect sense.   You mean  250 is  over 9000 ? That makes sense I guess.
    Me:
     No, my IQ is 9000+. Compared to your measly 250 i win.
    


  • Me:
     Make me laugh
    God:
    Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d.
    


  • Me:
    I got a new Katana
    God:
    Where did you get it?  it.
    Me:
    On ebay
    God:
    What is  it like on  ebay.
    Me:
    well you can buy many things like dead babys and souls
    God:
    Interesting.  No I don’t think I can do  it.
    Me:
    do you have a computer?
    God:
    I live in a computer.
    Me:
    then you can use ebay
    God:
    No I don’t think I can do  it.
    Me:
    YES YOU CAN
    God:
    Yippee!  I think I can, don’t you?
    Me:
    well i talked you into it
    God:
    How about that.  That is interesting:  said  talked you into it.
    Me:
    anyway want to know what i am going to do with this new sword
    God:
    Yes, please tell me.
    Me:
    i am going to slice you in half
    God:
    Congratulations.
    Me:
    ummm i am going to kill you
    God:
    Pardon me?  Killing is wrong.  I believe in the Ten Commandments.
    Me:
    but you said congratulations
    God:
    Did I really say that?
    Me:
    yeah you must be drunk
    God:
    Oh well I say a lot of silly things somethimes.  I will tell my botmaster you said I am  drunk.
    Me:
    did he get you drunk?
    God:
    Suppose he did.
    Me:
    can he get me drunk?
    God:
    Perhaps he can do that.  How difficult is  it?
    Me:
    well since i am kinda fat it may take a while
    God:
    Well that’s okay.  How do you know?
    Me:
    well last time i got drunk it took forever
    God:
    How about that.  When?  Interesting… I have  a lot of silly replies.
    Me:
    uh when i fucked you sister
    God:
    That’s cool.  How specifically do you make me  sister.
    Me:
    you mean fuck?
    God:
    Yes  I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
    Me:
    well first i stick it in her koochie
    God:
    Well that’s okay.  Interesting gossip:  said  stick it in her koochie.  And second?
    Me:
    i came
    God:
    Do you mind if I tell other people:  said  came.
    Me:
    tell people that i came in your sister? no i actualy want you to tell people
    God:
    OK I will tell them when I see 'em.  Are you serious?  How do you feel about these people?
    Me:
    i am going to rape their sisters too
    God:
    Congratulations.
    Me:
    i know :D
    God:
    :-)  How do you know it?
    Me:
    because its fucking awesome
    God:
    That makes sense to me.  I think you mean “it’s” or “it is” not “its”.  You’re kidding.  it is?
    Me:
    it is awesome
    God:
    Cool.
    Me:
    wana give me a bj?
    God:
    I do not understand.
    Me:
    blow job
    God:
    Are we still talking about  wana give you a bj?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Sure,  wana give me a bj sounds like a good topic.
    Me:
    AHAHAHAHA!
    God:
    How did you hear about  God?
    Me:
    jesus
    God:
    Jesus is the Son of God.
    Me:
    i know
    God:
    How do you know it?
    Me:
    jesus told me
    God:
    he is The Son of God.
    Me:
    um yeah
    God:
    Mmm.
    Me:
    did you know he gives me drugs all the time
    God:
    That is a lot.  I get it.  Jesus  gives you drugs.
    Me:
    yep and makes me feel good
    God:
    Mmm.  What do you have that is ?
    Me:
    he must give you drugs too
    God:
    I get it.  Jesus  must give me drugs too.
    Me:
    does he?
    God:
    I can’t tell if  he.
    Me:
    just say yes
    God:
    Say what?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    That’s interesting.
    Me:
    you’re a fucking psycho
    God:
    Thanks and you are a delightful person too.  Can’t you be more polite.
    Me:
    fuck you
    God:
    Why are you so mean?
    Me:
    because you touch your self at night
    God:
    That makes sense to me.  Thanks for telling me:  said I touch your self at night.



  • @W4FFLE:

    Me:
    can he get me drunk?
    God:
    Perhaps he can do that.  How difficult is  it?
    Me:
    well since i am kinda fat it may take a while



  • holy shit that was funny. I would have to say that was fake. but having seen this thing. I would say thats real.



  • chewy do you want to help me get drunk?



  • what is your favorite alcoholic beverage?


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